Sunday, May 20, 2012

What some don't understand...

Is that I always look back. "Looking back" is my middle name.
I've been asked so many times "how to get over a break up" or "how to stop thinking about someone all the time" and in my opinion, there is no such thing as "getting over" someone, as long as they actually, you know, MEANT something to you.

The sad and honest truth is, to make the pain lessen, do whatever you can to not see them. Whether it be in a photograph or in person. The best way to stop thinking about everything so often is to try to convince your body that that person doesn't exist. Scary, is it not?

I'm not just talking about ex boyfriends or girlfriends, I mean friends as well. I've lost friends for absolutely no reason at all. One morning they just woke up and decided to erase me. And the only way to stop beating yourself up over them forgetting about you, is to pretend they don't exist.

But the second you accidentally make eye contact with them, everything comes flooding back. The burning desire to call them up and ask about their day, to text them because you found a street name with their last name, to show up at their house, pet their dog, talk to their sister, complain about the smell of their room, and watch them break their ribs. Most importantly however, is the stabbing realization that these things, these memories, they mean absolutely nothing to them anymore. They don't care how your day is, they don't care how you're doing, they don't care if they even see you again. They simply, don't care. 

Something I'll never understand is how someone can go from meaning "the whole" world to someone, to meaning absolutely nothing at all. Perhaps they lied when they said you were everything, perhaps they didn't mean it.
But when I say I love someone, or that I'll never forget them, I mean it. And no matter what anyone does, how shitty they've become, or if they no longer talk to me, they still have a place in my heart, and I always look back at those memories with a smile on my face.

Because even though the people may change, the time you shared with them does not.


  1. My ex boyfriend of 10 months broke up with me at the end of April. It was so sudden, without any warning the carpet was pulled from under me. The distance that had formed while talking on the phone he had excused by studying and exams, so I believed him. Was I supposed to assume he was lying? Imagine how obsessive and crazy I would have seemed if I'd said that.
    But I would have been right.
    A few days later, after he said we should try and be friends, I tried to contact him. Nothing. The boy knew I was depressed and had exams to worry about etc, he knew there were serious problems at home and in the five weeks we've been broken up he hasn't once bothered to ask how I am. And all I have to say is fuck you. And does the time we spent together really mean so little to him that he could cut me out so easily? How could he.

    I was annoyed at him for dumping me four days before my exams started. But if he had waited, I never would have talked to the cute guy with glasses outside my exam. And I never would have known what it's like to be with someone who makes you cry with laughter rather than neglect. Every cloud.

  2. Dear Ally,

    I cannot even begin to say that I understand...I had a best friend for 2 years (I know short time). I am not really good with "people" per say. I mean I used to have a lot of friends and was the comedian of the bunch. Then I guess I matured and found that what they were talking about did not interest me what-so-ever. So that is when I became a "loner". But before that I had my first best friend who was new to our school and I was thrilled because we had a lot in common. Her name was Jacinda, or Jacindy. We literally had sleepovers almost everyday. We were sister, in fact people called us the twins which was ironic because we look absolutely nothing alike. Well then Jacinda was haning wiht the wrong type...that did drugs and were just plain bullies. I told her that I thought they were a bad influence and suddenly I have a herd of angry people coming after me with their fingers pointed saying things like, "who is she to say we are a bad influence?" and "what a bitch". I got tripped in hallways, people put crap in my locker and I was stalked on facebook by at least 30 people. So now I look back and being the person I am still miss Jacinda's and my "friendship". I can't even understand why I still miss her while she doesnt give a fuck about me...


  3. This is perfect. Everything you've said sums it up perfectly. I don't have a story to tell, or advice to give, I just merely want to say that your mind is a beautiful thing. Don't mind me while I explore it through the keys on my laptop and the clicks of my mouse.